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Published October 29, 2012

Today's ALOD lossmails can be found here and here.

It looks like two missioning Golems got baited while running a mission in Inaya. Given the lack of mission agents worth a Golem pilot's effort, it would appear that Grimbly and Grimbly's wife were either doing a Serpentis mission for a level four security agent from one of the neighbouring systems (Wuos or Osmon), or have scanned down a DED complex. Even with the Sisters Core Probe Launcher on one, the former is more likely with Serpentis complexes tending to be found in Gallente, not Caldari space.

Av Ra (confirmed as the actual player with the character of the same name) posted in the comments section of the kill on eve-kill, making the following statement:

Mission baited this guy and another similar fit Golem in the same mission, points were spread after the best bait taunt ever and the proceeding RRing of the bait ship. Approached this guy while we were teaching 2 newbs how to ninja and he starts out with the bomb against me. I have one of the newbs saunter on up to him and the rest is history. The other Golem (his alt) also succumbed to CONCORD after engaging said neutral newb with drones. All of this lulz brought to you by Gecko316 and a couple of newbs.

The raw numbers from EFT give these ships a DPS of 372 for Grimbly's Golem (with the smartbomb) and 322 for Grimbly's wife (not counting drones). What's even worse is the rest of the fit on both Golems. They were using faction launchers (not T2) with one of each damage type loaded into each launcher, and appear to have been omni tanked (omni deadspace resist mods and boosters, but no buffer to speak of). This would almost suggest that they were fit for PvP, except they have no point, and one has no prop mod. Long range battleships with no means of dictating range. A better theory would be that they were omni fit with a really big tank so that they wouldn't have to bother with refitting between missions and felt that this would also translate to success when some dirty ninja looter came along. Their raw tank gives 2738 and 1738 DPS tanks (Grimbly and Grimbly's wife respectively). Through conventional means, this would have been one hell of an officer spawn to take down without neuting ships.

Unfortunately, CONCORD doesn't care how much damage you can tank.

All parties have been approached for comment, but at the time of writing only Av Ra and Gecko 136 have responded. Av Ra says:

We (Gecko's corp and I) were training two new guys, who had returned to the game after extended absence, in the "art" of mission runner ganking via ninja salvaging. We had been scanning all day and night and some of us were about to head to bed. At the last second our scanner and Guardian pilot Balcony Jumper calls into TS3 "Oh I have a Marauder. . . 2 Marauders actually?" So we figure we'll go into the breach once more, knowing Marauders can be pretty blingy.

A little side note: We'd discovered the bait Impairor a few days back, experimenting with noob ships as bait ships. Suffice to say, with links, it's amazing.

Moving on, Gecko warps to the 100% sig, and when he finds an accel gate, he calls us all to the pocket.

Another aside: We have a motto when doing this, stolen from Suddenly Ninjas: "Always bet on stupid". No mission runner ever checks D-Scan. No mission runner ever wonders how a noob ship, which cannot even fit a probe launcher, got into their misison. So, he takes the gate, and we lay in wait. The gang was me in Sleipnir with RR drones (lol), Balcony with Guardian, the newbs and my alt in Orca (which contained a Hurricane for Gecko. We don't usually have such a large fleet, it's really just a 2 man job).

Gecko > 2 Golem in room, Grimbly and grimbly's wife. . . they just convo'd me

(About 5 seconds later...)

Gecko > YB [Yellow box]
Gecko > double yb
Gecko > XXXXXXXX [his call for aggression, as he is unable to speak in comms]

My call over voice comms goes out "TAKE GATE GO GO GO" and BJ warps in the Guardian, followed closely by my Sleip and alt in her Orca. The 2 newer players follow, one in a Stabber Fleet, another in an Executioner. As I land, Gecko is around 3/4 armor; this is a well timed process and his Impairor has obscene armor for a rookie vessel. BJ locks and greens reps, and I launch RR drones, never thinking in a million years they would attack me.

Gecko > Only wife is red im good

From here on, pretty much all communication was on comms, and it was all over in a flash.

Me > "Grimbly boxing me. . RED BOX ARE YOU SERIOUS? Guys I'm going for point on Grimbly, hold wife!"

BJ affirms he can keep Gecko up easily as the Orca approaches the Wife and Gecko. I call point on Grimbly while I close in. We order the trainees to bump the Wife towards my Orca. . . god is it slow. As I reach 0m from Grimbly, firing all along, I realize his tank is going no-where, we will need the Neuts on the Cane for this. But then, like a booming voice and blinding light from heaven, I see the blast of a smartbomb and laugh.

Me > "HAHA Guys he's smartbombing me. . . waaaiit. . . HE'S SMARTBOMING ME, NEW GUYS APPROACH GRIMBLY NOW, NOW"

BJ and Gecko both say and type the same thing; orders are to get this guy to hit even one of the newbs with the bomb, and we can save ourselves a ton of time. The Executioner comes in first, under full rep from the Guardian. She is 10km from me. . . 5. . 3. . BOOM the smartie goes off, melting off the shield of the Executioner, quartering it's armor.

Me > "OK GET AWAY FROM HIM, HERE THEY COME"

Like a Cavalry brigade CONCORD comes thundering into view and swiftly lays waste to Grimbly. A few seconds later the other new pilot says "He's on me guys" and we know that's the end. Wife aggressed the bumping Stabber about the same time Grimbly was going down, CONCORDing her Golem on the Stabber Fleet. Whether this was intentional or not is unknown.

TL;DR - Noobs came with us on a grief, Grimbly gets CONC'd by a smartbomb, the Wifes Golem CONC's itself on our bump Stabber.
Total loot around 5bn ISK.

 The "best bait taunt ever" referred to in the eve-kill comment which came from the guy in the rookie ship while he was the only one engaged was:

[ 2012.10.19 04:58:10 ] Gecko 136 > what
[ 2012.10.19 04:58:40 ] Gecko 136 > ???
[ 2012.10.19 04:59:16 ] Gecko 136 > WHAT YOU WANT JACKASS????
[ 2012.10.19 05:00:13 ] Gecko 136 > ???????
[HE SHOOTS]
[ 2012.10.19 05:01:09 ] Gecko 136 > lol gonna fuck up your wife
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:01 ] Gecko 136 > pay me 1bil right now or you both die
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:21 ] Gecko 136 > send 1bil in 30 seconds and i'll let you go
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:33 ] Gecko 136 > 20
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:44 ] Gecko 136 > 10
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:53 ] Gecko 136 > 5
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:54 ] Gecko 136 > 4
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:56 ] Gecko 136 > 3
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:57 ] Gecko 136 > 2
[ 2012.10.19 05:04:58 ] Gecko 136 > 1

Gecko 136 has this to add:

Well, ya see, I've been down on some hard times recently, and a man's gotta make ends meet. So I was down in the sewers collectin all the space trash that Mr. Grimly and his missus were leavin around. Warn't doin nothin wrong, ya see, just puttin bread on the table and makin New Eden a bit cleaner in the process. Then, all of a sudden, ye man Grimbly puts the yellowbox on me! And his wife follows! So I'm bout shittin me pants in me little impairor, when I start takin cruise missiles to me arse!

So all the other beggars and scoundrels come to me aid, and help to keep this rich lout from takin the last thing I got: me poor little impairor. Anyway, some time passes and Grimbly realizes the best way to scatter us gutter rats is to fire up ye trusty smartbomb. So he does.

Thank heavens the constable be right round the corner, and he gives the knave a right smack on the head with ye blackjack! Grimly's loyal wife sees him fall, and she's so heartbroken she just can't go on. She's got no choice but to take the easy way out: suicide by orca. The orca didn't mind much, but the bobby flew right over and done with her like he done with Grimly. Then it was all said and done, and their estate was distributed among us, and now we don't be poor any longer!

That'll pay for a few more T2 Warp Disruptors to put on his Impairors in the future.

Imigo
Imigo is a Game Designer from New Zealand who has been playing EVE (far too much) for the last three years.

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