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Published July 11, 2013

 

(Editor's Note: Alliance Updates are aimed at internal audiences and usually are considered the gospel truth by their membership but vile propaganda by everybody else. You should definitely know this by now. This is a TEST Alliance Update from BoodaBooda)

RentThisOut.jpg

First off, I apologize for the largely empty SOTA. I dicked it all up like a moron. In a way you le redditors can understand, I friendzoned you all. I'm not too proud to admit when I fuck up, and I’m working to actually try and fix things that broke after Testival. Also fuck you I’m still new to this shit.

This is going to be a long one, because everyone knows post length is directly related to penis length, and PGL whipped his out first.There’s a lot of information you guys deserve that I haven’t been providing for the last week or two, and you should really hear it from me instead of scrouging through various forums to get it

C.R.E.A.M.

I’m going to get this out of the way first. Financially we're finally to the point where I need to ask people to contribute. We’ve been welping things pretty much since I took over, and the wallets are finally worn out.

Of course, TEST isn’t relying entirely on enterprising individuals to bear the extra burden. We have a few plans in motion that should hopefully pull us up by our bootstraps and prepare us for the next few months’ worth of doing things. Additionally, Packetninja has a few monkies working on pounding out a new TEST finances application - he's a bit busy being poor to do it himself. More transparency will arrive as soon as they're done (which I'm sure will be conveniently timed to occur when we're no longer poor, unintentionally).

Long term we’re still looking alright, but war isn’t meant to be easy or cheap; that said, I want more than anything to keep you guys flying spaceships, fighting, and having fun – that’s why we subscribe, right?

In fact, half of the reimbursement queue was taken care of just today.

If you would like to contribute your cash or energy to help the alliance financial situation, details will be kept in this thread. Additionally, watch for further news posts with details about things like war bond programs.

Speaking of war...

WAR

PAST

When the CFC first launched their invasion, I warned you all that it would be a long drawn-out war, and so far that’s been pretty much true. It’s shown us some of our own strengths, and taught us where we need to improve. The announcement helped us garner the support of a hell of a lot of people across EVE. Our strength in 1-SMEB was legendary, and inspired both fear and respect in alliances all over the game, but Goons throwing themselves on our swords was a great reason for many groups to come get a piece of the action.

The CFC thought we would be weakened, softened, and ripe for killing after our skirmishes in Delve – and they just happened to be in the market for a new home. And yet here we are weeks later only short about 10 systems. A far cry from the last time Goons led a war and swept through a region in roughly a week.

Meanwhile, the CFC propaganda engine tried to claim I had burned our relationships across the galaxy, in reality the CFC were the only group entirely unwilling to work with us. Pretty much.

We currently have the N3 living in Hophib, Fountain, and nearby Aridia. They almost foam at the mouth at the thought of killing CFC, and we’ve given them a good chance to do it. We also have various smaller groups on our side nearby, and we have allies staged to harass much of CFC territory and access – we even have a relationship with 401K as they break down structures and fleets in the north. We initially worked with BL as well, out of a mutual distaste for Goons; unfortunately for us, BL’s desire for cash and killmails finally led them to drop out of the war, and go back to killing Revenants and otherwise elite-pvping against anyone with a spaceship.

PRESENT

By now you’ve seen Beffah’s military update, the first in what will hopefully be somewhat frequent rolling status updates by various leadership and FCs. Maybe you’ve attended one of her military specific Q&As, or posted in one of the Q&A forum threads. There’s a professional, god-like, legendary N3 update cross-posted on our forums as well.

Initially, the CFC rolled through northern Fountain as we took our time moving to Karan. They cut a deal with Sort Dragon for the remaining o7m8 stations and sov, killing at least one supercap build belonging to someone TEST promised wouldn’t die to our hands – Sort Dragon wanted to screw us for a while, and finally had his shot. It seems like the CFC were almost taking credit S2N Citizens/Nulli Legio heist, until they saw how mad it made everyone. I think the total damage count was a stolen 400b ISK and 211 systems left sov-less, forcing the N3 to fly home and fix things.

Once we moved to Karan, things got VERY exciting. We’ve managed to put up an incredible defense against the brute force of thousands of northmen. Currently, the CFC holds a whopping TEN systems in Fountain. Embarassing, almost.

Shit, I didn’t even know z9pp existed until we lost 27 carriers there.

If you look at that map link, you’ll notice that all of the o7m8 systems save 4-EP were safely returned to TEST control. I guess this means that technically the CFC has lost more stations in this war than we have, but they did also drop a new green dong in 4-ep and may even move there still.  

The stunning infiltration of N3 and the subsequent loss of their space knocked them out of the war… for a whole 18 hours. They, with the help of PL (and I think a little from TEST), crunched through a mind-blowing 211 systems in a day (at a rate of 9 minutes per station, or something silly). Even the goon propaganda machine was knocked for a loop, and what began as all but taking credit eventually turned into thinly veiled attempts to suck PL’s dick (shameless plug of my response and twitter). During these hours, the CFC (clearly high on smug) put 20 Fountain systems into reinforce – only to cower at home as we saved 19 the next day.

We’ve since lost Z9PP, but not before an absolutely immense fight for the system. TEST is a young alliance, all said and done, and we made a few rookie mistakes with fleet coordination and watching clocks. We were saved when a CCP typo knocked the server offline for a brief intermission, just long enough to let us escape and shovel thousands of goon rage-posts onto the EVE-O forums. I won’t sugar coat it, that was a hell of a fun fight, but it could’ve meant the end of TEST capfleets for weeks, or maybe months. Everyone in leadership learned a little, though, and hopefully we won’t let such a sacrifice happen again… or at least we’ll save it for something actually important. I was there for half of Z9PP, but I can’t do a proper recap in a post that’s already 1200 words long. Here’s the Manfred Sidious one (warning, smug triggers: TMC link)

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