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Published August 22, 2013

Brave Newbies Inc, a newbie-friendly corp that’s over 5,000 members strong, holds a somewhat controversial position in the Eve community. Some regard them as a terrible organisation that achieves victory by jihading, but others believe they simply play Eve the way it was meant to be played. In this article, we’ll take a look at what really goes on in BNI.

Welcome to the Collective

When a BNI member logs on, they are greeted by alliance chat. This is where the bulk of conversation takes place, a bustling hub of gossip and newbie questions. There is no shortage of these questions; the proceeding list is a compilation of the finest queries and comments made by Brave Newbies pilots over two weeks in August:

"how do I connect to mumble?"

"Is there a mining fleet up?"

"how to find welcome mail?"

"We need voice comms, we should get a vent server"

"Is it a good idea to take my freighter through highsec or will the war targets light it up?"

"How do I get to jita?"

"is there a defence fleet up?"

"whats a jita?"

"Is 15mil a good price to pay for a talwar?"

"how do I find asteroids?"

"Русский))"

"How did this guy shoot me in highsec?"

"What’s a ping, what’s jabber?"

"some dick blew me up and now I have 88k isk :("

"fuck you useless cunts, why the fuck did I get blown up in highsec and noone saved me?!"

"If theres a fleet now pls invite me"

"shit, just lost my ferox to NPCs then my pod to players I think"

"Can I join the talwar fleet with my new drake?"

"what’s a fleet?"

"plz can someone giv me 50mil isk?"

"Why are there only 3 people in rahadlon?”

Although new players are prone to accidentally asking cute questions, there is a staggering case of retardation among some of BNI’s older players. A mildly experienced capital pilot named Mackael asked “is there a chan for cap pilts?” in alliance chat. When he received no response, he sent the following corp mail, in a corp where sending mails to corp can be punished by a kick.

Hello

From: MacKael

Sent: 2013.07.28 16:30

To: Brave Newbies Inc.,

since im getting no response to my questions ill mail corp.

1. is there a chan for cap pilots?

2. can i get some help moving my carrier from gall space to our new home?

MacKael’s Thanatos was a smouldering wreck outside BNI’s HQ station a mere 29 hours later. He had aggressed something during a battle and was subsequently hotdropped by two Moroses and a Hel. His Thanatos managed to kill zero things during its life, and MacKael was so distraught at his loss that he quit BNI just two hours later. Although this isn’t the only injudicious loss BNI ‘veterans’ have suffered, it’s one of the stupidest.

While the individual pilots of the alliance may not be the most competent players in Eve, they have strength in numbers. BNI are able to win around 15% of their battles using the infamous ‘blobbing’ technique, with their preferred choice of ship being the kiting Talwar. These destroyers are quite powerful ships given their low training time. One BNI line member informed us “I can shoot my missiles over loads of kilometres and I can go quite fast forever because I’m cap stable!” This newbie-friendly doctrine is quite effective at alphaing poorly tanked targets, negating the effect of logistics. FC Lumpymayo, the genius behind the Talwar doctrine, told me “I initially chose the Talwar to be a doctrine ship because they looked nice. I just love those solar panels and that sexy sleek body. It turns out they’re actually pretty good ships though.”

Tubrug1
The overlord of the Eve Onion and a humble line member of the Brave Collective. You can find me on Twitter at @Tubrug1.

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